I’m a really strong woman and I can take a lot and I have a pretty high pain tolerance level so I’m wondering if J would have to beat me half to death before I could break down in tears from the pain. I guess in some ways feeling like a newbie for so long and feeling like I had something to attain to I set up being “spanked to tears” as a goal (as if … now it’s rediculous when I think about it) you know those who had attained were seasoned and those who hadn’t well you still had a way to go . Perhaps that line of thinking has kept me feeling like a newbie after 2-3 years of cdd. circular reasoning… LOL. And faulty thinking at that.
I cried for the first time during a spanking, but it was weird. It wasn’t from guilt, or the pain, or remorse. I was angry…so angry I cried. I was mad at the things J was saying… He lectured me pretty hard about my wrong doing and I didn’t agree and didn’t want to comply. I felt trapped and frustrated with no outlet so I cried.
I’m wondering if he lectured me harder and more often or longer if I’d cry more since it seems to be his words that got to the heart of the matter
and I’m wondering if we’ve wrongly labeled something… perhaps it should be more like
lectured to tears….